The Power of Empathy

AKA How to Disrupt the Attention Economy when Marketing and Sales Feel Dirty

“You’re the one with empathy, ya’ know?” he said with the awe of epiphany.

We were deep in conversation for a new marketing campaign at the rapidly growing digital agency I was working for at the time. I can’t even remember what the product was, but I do recall the feeling in that moment as the clouds cleared, angels sang, and I suddenly became aware of something so inherently true about myself. Something to be cherished. Something worth celebrating. 

I am the one with empathy.

And—suddenly—something in my very core dropped. 

I gasped. 

My breath stopped. 

A feeling of disquiet wrapped my entire being as I stared blankly at the computer screen.

In that split second reaction, my body knew something was wrong. It would take me months to understand why being “the one with empathy” led to recoil, not beaming pride.

As time went on, my boss started to give me “constructive” feedback—to make me better at my job, of course. Empathy was the reason I was too particular with the content that went out. It was why I was against using the time-saving “magic” of ChatGPT. It was why I didn’t understand our client’s singular goal: more money.

Uhm, what!? Something wasn’t sitting right. Afterall, we need empathy so potential clients know this is the right fit. ChatGPT constantly spits out soulless word salad. And money comes from reaching more people via empathy, so wouldn’t using more empathy mean I cared about making them more money?

But, like any well trained good girl (read that with a self-directed eye roll), I believed something was wrong with me. Perhaps I did care too much about quality. Maybe faster and more content was simply better. Maybe I just really didn’t “get” our client’s needs and desires. Maybe I’m just terrible at my job.

But every piece of marketing that I pushed through following his feedback felt wrong. 

Soulless. 

And then I felt soulless. An automaton in a system of attention. Just saying whatever the robots of the internet would hear. Hoping for the best. Rinse and repeat.

—

I wish I could say that this viewpoint is uncommon, the product of bad leadership and a terrible boss. But the marketing world is wrought with quick-fix marketing schemes and beat-them-over the head tactics.

Advertising is about who’s being the loudest, spending the most money, and following every magic-pill method. Then it’s all optimized to SEO, ad spend, and all other robotic measurements. 

Welcome to the shiny new world of (cue the music!) Attention Economy. 

(Did you vomit a little in your mouth right now? I did.)

We’ve become so obsessed with “being seen” that we’ve totally forgotten what actually builds desire in a real human being. 

It’s like when a dude walks up to you at a coffee shop—interrupting the deep, soul-level conversation you’re having with your friend across the table—and…

“Hey. Hey YOU. Yes You. I’m hot. You’re hot. Let’s have sex. The bathroom’s over there.”

Your mouth drops. 

Your breath catches. 

Your cheeks flush red—with desire or mortification, you’re not quite sure.

What!? 

This guy came out of nowhere and demanded sex. Now. Right now.

You think, 

Is that bathroom even clean?

Wait, no, you shake your head from shock. You take a gasped breath,

Do I even want to have sex with this totally ripped, utter stranger?

Maybe you do. You consider for a moment,

It’s been a while, and—well, he looks like a young Chris Hemsworth (pre-overly ripped “Love and Thunder,” of course). And he’s talking to YOU. Right now. At this coffee shop. And he wants to have sex with you. In. That. Bathroom.

Your brain suddenly kicks in and… nope, it’s mortification. Definitely mortified right now. 

You politely squeak out, “No, thank you.” 

Take a deep swig of your coffee. 

And resume your conversation, hoping no one noticed the internal battle you just faced over your grande mocha with coconut milk.

But then, there he is again, tapping your shoulder—and not in a sultry way. 

“Hey! Remember me! This is a limited time offer. You may not get another chance like this.” He gestures to his own body with the confidence of Vanna White to a letter.

You stare straight ahead. Maybe he’ll just stop?

Tap, tap, tap. “I’m pretty hot over here. Look at all these other chicks, just like you, who got in on this action. Don’t you want to be like them?” He gestures widely to the room, which, for some strange reason, seems to be filled to capacity with supermodels. 

Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact.

TAP, TAP, TAP. “THIS IS YOUR FINAL CHANCE! TIME IS RUNNING OUT. ACT NOW BEFORE THIS OFFER EXPIRES!”

You look pleadingly into your friend’s eyes. Help. 

“Babe, I’m calling the police. This guy’s a creep!” she declares and pulls out her cellphone.

At least, that’s what she’d say if this were some real life random dude at a coffee shop. 

But it’s not real life. It’s marketing on the internet, where being loud, obnoxious, and more than a little creepy is the ⭐Gold Standard.

We’re being propositioned everywhere we turn. Ads have pervaded every element of our lives, from social to our emails to, well, they’re just everywhere.

It may seem obvious that strangers asking for sex is ridiculous (ok, ok, I know it happens all the time in bars, but COFFEE SHOPS!? Is nowhere sacred!?), but it should be intuitively ridiculous to ask someone for a purchase with zero relationship built. 

And yet it’s somehow… not? We expect to be treated this way. We tune out the noise. Scroll by ads faster. And avoid our email. And still say that this is an OK way to treat others—because this is just how it is to be a marketer right now.

Instead of conveying actual thoughts, we become our very ripped muscular friend (can we call him a friend? I mean, I think we can, he asked you for sex in a bathroom after all… nope, still weird). Maybe if we yell loud enough and be enticing enough while jumping up and down screaming, “look at me!” we’ll make some sales.

But here’s the thing, your friend across the table? You trust her. A lot.

And with good reason: she’s got your back. When she offered to call the police on our creep, you felt instant relief. This is someone who’s actually there for you. Someone who can help.

She’s been there for you before, too. You’ve had hours of deep conversation. She’s heard your biggest fears, seen you at your worst, and said, “I love you anyway. I’m here for you. I see you.” You trust her. And you’d say yes to anything she offers.

This sort of relationship wasn’t built through attention and surprisingly aggressive propositions. It’s built through reciprocal trust. Which is built through empathy.

That dude over there? He wanted the endgame. He wanted your buy-in for his own gains, then he’d leave you (maybe satisfied, possibly not) in the coffee shop, just to be gestured at while he propositions someone new and you become his ultimate proof of proclivity—leaving you thinking,

Wait… WTF just happened!?

And maybe experiencing a bit of remorse.

As a society, we’ve come to the understanding that business is simply about the endgame: Money. Get now. Get it fast. BAM.

But if you’re running a transformation-based business, rushing right to the sale probably feels out of alignment. This is probably even stronger if you identify as highly sensitive (HSP) or an introvert. We just feel the world more deeply—and man, this feels wrong.

I’ve said it myself more times than I can count, “Sales and marketing just feel dirty,” and chances are, you probably have, too. 

It would be so easy to say that sales and marketing is truly dirty. It’s something we are justified to avoid. 

But sales aren’t bad. Money isn’t the root of all evil. It’s good to let people know what you do, who you do it for, and get their attention. 

What feels wrong—and is wrong—is the way we’re being taught to market and sell.

When you’re working to transform lives, the very thing your client is buying is intimacy. They are buying a relationship with you. This holds true whether you’re working 1:1, live groups, or even selling pre-recorded courses.

Unlike our shoulder-tapping friend, you’re not looking to use-and-release in the bathroom. You’re looking to create a deep relationship with your client so you can help them face their greatest challenges. You are their cheerleader and their accountability partner. A relationship with you will help THEM solve a problem.

If you start out that relationship through pushy, FOMO, or fear-based sales tactics, you’re creating a weird power differential where they’re looking for you to save them. Or, maybe even worse, they’re subconsciously expecting you to use them for their money and leave… all while hoping that won’t be the case with you, too.

The truth is, whether you’re a coach, a consultant, or in any knowledge- or service-based business—the only one who can create change for your client is, well, themself. You’re the wind beneath their wings, but they are the ones who create lasting change based on their own hard work. There’s no shortcut to lasting transformation. You can’t carry them forever, and success means they can stand on their own feet after achieving their goals.

So when we partake in the Attention Economy, yelling and being loud—begging for attention anyway we can get it, we’re feeding into that weird power differential.

Please be clear, I am not saying don’t run ads, do social, etc. I’m vehemently PRO any and all advertising channels that will help you reach more lives to transform. But to successfully break through the noise of everyone else, you need to play the game in a new way.

You need to be more of yourself.

Speak like you. Tell stories like you. Throw every freakin’ “this is the only way to write a social post” BS out the window and never look back. 

You need to use your empathy superpower to create a conversation with the people you want to work with. Get into their heads, address their very real problems, and show them that you GET them. And you have a solution.

It might feel a little scary to throw the templates and “instant fix” tactics out the window. 

You might even have a vulnerability hangover after releasing your ideas into the world. 

(I know I do.)

(Every. Single. Time.)

And you might even be saying, “But what if it doesn’t work?”

But what if it does.

Just like that friend who saved you from the creep over coffee, trust is built through empathy and authenticity—over time. Yes, you’ll have some instant sales. Afterall, someone’s looking for YOU right now. But most of your sales, as much as 80%, will come from creating long-term relationships. 

Then, when they’re ready, they remember you. Because you’ve got their back. And you’re the instant right choice.

So lean into your empathy. It’s a true superpower, not a liability.

It’s how you truly disrupt the Attention Economy.